HOW TO CREATE A THRIVING CORPORATE CANCEL CULTURE!
And instill fear and destroy morale while you're at it!
Make no mistake, your Corporate Cancel Culture doesn’t happen by accident. You must be intentional about creating it.
So, are you ready to form a totally toxic work environment, in which people are distracted from their actual jobs and instead spend much of their time snitching, shaming and destroying each other?
C’mon, let’s go!
Below, we’ll cover the types of people you’ll need, and the accompanying behaviors you must encourage, in order to make your company’s Cancel Culture the envy of every woke corporation in America!
The Perpetually Offended Person – These malcontented, easily-triggered souls are absolutely fundamental to creating a healthy Cancel Culture in any company.
And they’ve discovered there’s a fast-track in the company: play the grievance game! That’s right. They just need to say they’ve been microaggressed and do so as much - and as often - as possible. After all, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, as they say!
This person is Powerful with a capital “P”, because the last thing the C-suite wants is to be accused of something that might gin up a social media mob. Especially if that mob is whipped up by an infraction even tenuously related to those sacrosanct corporate values, known as Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (that, in practice, create Conformity, Unfairness and Exclusion). No way. Not after all the work the C-suite has done to posture like they’re on the forefront of every last Social Justice issue that spills off the Cal Berkley campus into their boardroom.
The C-suite knows it’s better to just give in to the Perpetually Offended Person and give them whatever they want. Soon, other people figure out that being constantly offended will make them Powerful too - the most Powerful people in the company, in fact, even if they’re an intern!
Why work hard to get to the top (working hard is for suckers), when you can get offended and make the CEO do your bidding? And what bid you, Perpetually Offended Person? A promotion perhaps? Or maybe a salary bump? Yes, that will do.
And since corporations are filled with timid leaders these days, who, like beaten-down parents do whatever their employee-children tell them, The Perpetually Offended Person knows throwing a tantrum over the fact that some coworker listens to Joe Rogan is the fastest way to Pass Go and advance to Greivance Place, the toniest locale in the new Cancel Culture Game!
The Virtue Signaler – A solid Company Cancel Culture is one that encourages narcissistic types to seek their moment in the Woke sun - most often via company-wide emails and social media posts. This is the best way for these moral betters to peacock their woke bona fides for everyone to see.
Someone said some newly-deemed offensive phrase like “Grandfathered in” on a status call? Or maybe “hey guys” during a brainstorm? Quick, Mrs. Virtue Signaler, write a social media post letting everyone know that you “have done the work” and “learned and unlearned” and you now know – unlike so many of your ignorant fellow employees - that “Grandfathered in” and “hey guys” are actually highly insensitive terms.
The Virtue Signaler will always be sure to highlight how incredibly outraged they are. Because the greater The Virtue Signaler’s moral outrage, the more virtuous they appear.
Sure, competent Virtue Signalers, are obvious fakes - but they’re not idiots. They would never miss a performative chance to kick some other employee while they’re down, so they themselves can look virtuous.
Truth be told, they probably have some fairly egregious HR violations laying around, just waiting to be leaked to the public. Better to get ahead of that leaked harassment complaint now by signaling to everyone – and loudly - that they’re so very virtuous and ready to cancel anyone who says “peanut gallery”.
One other thing about the Virtue Signaler: they really help your Cancel Culture grow. Because these sanctimonious folks, like a virus, replicate themselves. See, the more these people show off their Woke creds publicly, the more other people in the company feel compelled to as well. Better speak up. After all, silence is complicity, don’t ya know?!
The C-Suite Coward – Every healthy Cancel Culture needs plenty of these self-preserving types at the helm. Despite knowing full-well, as leaders, that the company Cancel Culture is creating an absolutely miserable work environment, they do nothing to stop it. Why? Because, well, they’re in the C-Suite. No way they’re jeopardizing that gig!
And they’ve figured out a cool trick: when a perceived “microaggression” occurs, if they just join their woke employees in piling on the perceived offender, the cancel mob – like the angel of death - will likely Passover their own bloodied office doorpost. Viola, career saved!
See, the C-Suite Coward knows that by joining the company cancel mob by publicly shaming another employee, often junior to them, they can appear brave, when, in fact, they’re cowardly. It’s a nifty trick every C-Suite Coward must master to promote their Cancel Culture - and themselves - all at the same time!
Sure, as leaders, they could intervene and stop employees from publicly shaming and bullying each other over perceived slights. They could defend employees of good record and character, rather than throw them under the bus for the smallest offense. But then, that would require real leadership and that could get their career canceled.
And every C-suite Coward knows getting canceled can only happen to other people!
The Scripted Apologizer – No company Cancel Culture is complete without these self-abasing sycophants. When caught violating the most micro of “microagressions”, they have that canned apology ready lickety-split.
You know the one: that obligatory, disingenuous, cringey statement of penance. It starts with an outsized admission of “causing harm” to an unspecified group of people. The Scripted Apologizer then will admit to “now understanding the deep pain they caused” blah blah blah and always, they’ll be sure to add the those obligatory lines: “I have work to do” and “I promise to do better”.
Sure, everyone knows the Scripted Apologizer’s apology has been written by the PR department and it’s the same generic one Chris Harrison (The Bachelor), Drew Brees (NFL) and Alexi McCammond (Teen Vogue) and Spotify’s CEO, Daniel Ek, offered, in the failed and futile attempt to save their reputations from being destroyed by the Perpetually Offended (*note: you can’t appease the Perpetually Offended). But hey, there’s no points - much less forgiveness - for being authentic in the Cancel Culture apology game.
Besides, why be genuine in your apology anyway? Genuine apologies are only for genuine people when they genuinely offend a specific person. And everyone knows genuine offense is not what’s going on here!
Besides, the Scripted Apologizer knows full well the apology itself is yet another opportunity to have their words picked apart and used against them (as Joe Rogan is discovering). Better to just stick to that self-abasing, inauthentic apology script!
The Digital Stone Thrower – “Let he who has no sin be the first to cast a stone” is an incisive truth from Jesus. It reminds us that by the standard we judge others, we will be judged.
But this truth never stopped The Digital Stone Thrower from joining a good ole’ digital beatdown of another imperfect, but decent, coworker who made a mistake or just said something the Digital Stone Thrower doesn’t agree with.
These folks find joy in drawing another person’s blood. Just pick up a social media stone and have at it! And for them, the only thing better than seeing some coworker virtually beaten down by a Cancel Culture mob online or on public email, is participating in the beatdown themselves!
Besides, if the Digital Stone Thrower weren’t busy digitally stoning someone for a perceived offense, they might have to actually do work. No way they’re doing that. It’s way more fun to get paid, while participating in the destruction of another employee’s reputation!
Okay, that was just a quick-start guide to fostering a thriving Corporate Cancel Culture. When your company descends into The Lord of the Flies, remember, you’re doing all this to promote diversity, equity and inclusion, right?!
(*If you want an exit from the current corporate culture that encourages division, tribalization, fear, snitch culture and public shaming, DM me on LinkedIn. The Daily Wire is hiring and looking for talented creatives who are suffocating in this toxic work environment and want to get back to having fun, collaborating and focusing on doing great work.)